| fuck |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|12:08 am] |
|
fuck so many band problems...I've gotta get my shit out there though. I feel empty without it in my hands. If this shit doesnt work out FUCK IT i'm gonna go to an open mic and sing my own songs. I don't have a fantastic voice but still i've got to expose my songs. If i don't i'll regret it and all of the bull shit. Fuck sometimes I wish people could just turn it off.... |
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| fuckin live journal |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|01:12 pm] |
Hmm its been a long fuckin time. The only reason I started this live journal was because my poor little heart had been broken into a million tiny pieces and shoved under the rug....and i was terribly lonely and needed to be emo.
But everything seems okay right now. With the exception of the normal teenage/girl/horny/drunken/band/drama.
My band rocks. Tina is a whore, but she can sing dammit!!!! And she's totally oblivious to her juvenile slut stature. Chris rocks but he's a guy with a penis and that says enough. Audrey is crazy as fuck but shes one of the only people that i've ever considered on my level. That includes musicianship and human decency in general. Plus I love her to death and she is one person that I never hope to be parted from. So all you bitches who want to talk shit about her or me can kiss my big fat ass and fuck off. Because we are the ultimate being.
Everybody makes mistakes even you "perfect people"......bastards.
much love. cari |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|04:10 pm] |
Bitter Man (its a song I wrote)
I know the face of a bitter man
Who sits alone at home
Doesn't know what he's waiting for
but he still waits by the phone
His women left him
His son can't live up to him
And he can't seem to put the bottle down
So he lights up a red
and puts a bullet through his head
and sinks slowly to the ground.
-cari walker 05 |
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| ddude |
[Aug. 18th, 2005|01:12 am] |
Dude. They System Show was out of control. By far the best concert I have been to. It was such a spirtitual experience. System fans know what I mean. Fuck What a NIGHT!!!!!!
Ex boy friend calling me. Wants to get back together. what to do.
love to all. |
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| OH MY FUCKING GAWD!! |
[Jul. 10th, 2005|12:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dont need to listen i'm going to see them live | ] |
I cari walker am going to see system of a down. One of the best bands EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant fucking wait I'm going to rock the fuck out BITCHES!!!!! YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone who knows me well knows that this is a big fucking deal. Cost me 200 dollars for 2 tickets. Good seats though.
AHHHH
-cari |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|11:07 pm] |
I want it, but I have some dignity in me.
Hmm. I'm going to try and not eat mcdonalds or any bad, carby foods for a week.
I want to feel healthy. I hate my extra fat.
I wrote a song yesterday. Its pretty cool.
I'm reading two books. The great Gatsby, and Fehrenheit 451; and they're both serprisingly interesting, and not boring.
"She wore a white dress, and it whispered".
"Time has fallen asleep in the afternoon sunshine".
I started a bank account. I'm going to keep adding to it every two weeks. I want to be wealthy. How do I do that? Invest in the stalk market? Stalks? Bonds?
I'm high for the first time all day. And its 11:25 thats pretty cool.
-cari |
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|
| its been a while |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|09:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited, confused, semi scared | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rap in my head | ] |
hey,
its been a while since I updated. I'm working a lot. And smoking a lot when I'm not working....I've been partyiing for the last two days. I met a guy. Chilled with him...kissed him. Nothing serious though. I'm trying to up my playa status. I'm sick of being the the bitch that gets dumped. Even though it was only once. The only thing lame about this is that he is like slim shady, white boy that raps and acts ghetto. He's still nice and hes got a nice honda with a killer system. I like the way he looks at me.
Well mcdonalds has its ups and downs.
Ups: Get free food. Work with friends
downs: Getting fat from eating the free food. Late hours.
Gotta go. See you in summer school.
-cari |
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|
| I KNEW HE WAS KINKY BUT SHIT HOW KINKY CAN YOU GET |
[Jun. 4th, 2005|12:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | SHOCKED | ] |
| [ | music |
| | FUCK | ] |
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!
MY EX BOYFRIEND GETS SPANKED ON THE INTERNET! I'M TALKING HE GETS PADDLED ON THE BEHIND ON CAMERA IN WIERD SETTINGS LIKE A LOCKER ROOM AND A BARN! HE IS A FETISH FILM STAR!
AND NOW MY EYES ARE BURNING BECAUSE I WAS STUPID CURIOUS ME AND WATCHED THE DAMN VIDEO!
THIS IS HIGHLY EMBARASSING.
WHO NEW MY FIRST SERIOUS BOYFRIEND WHOM TOOK MY VIRGINITY WOULD END UP DOING PORN ON THE INTERNET. WHAT A STORY TO TELL THE KIDS AYE?
PLEASE GOD SEND ME A GOOD LOOKING, SMART, NON-LOW-LIFE, NON-KINKY (WELL MAYBE A LITTILE KINKY) GUY.
WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?
THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME IM GONNA GO SMOKE A J.
-CARI |
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| saturday bad Sunday good |
[May. 30th, 2005|01:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | suprisingly okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | avril lavigne playing in my sis's room | ] |
Well Saturday sucked.
But Sunday was good. I went to orientation for work and then I came home and did shelyns homework for weed. After that bekah, jazz, blanche, robert, and eric? All came over to pick me up. Smoked some weed with Robert hes pretty cool. Then we went to the drive in where me and jazz hid in the trunk so we didnt have to pay. We saw that movie with adam sandler about football in jail....The longest yard i think..It was funny. Then they dropped me off and i went to bed.
My legs are white....
-cari |
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|
| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2005|11:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Lost in thought | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Some Coldplay Song | ] |
Alright so.....
Friday I turned in an application for MACDONDALD'S....(laugh if you must). Hey, its money, right? After that I went home and me, nikki, and amber got baked as fuck, and had a blast. We laugh so much; i love it. Then we decide to go down to the field to do a little smokey smokey. As we're walking we run into LAUREN as she is laying on the sidewalk totally trashed! Lauren you crack me up. Thats also where I met Lily whom is fucking hilarious and makes a decent screw-driver/margarita HA! Yeah anyway I wont go into detail about the rest of my time at laurens, but let me just say that it was an experience. And Lauren is an incredible artist. I got her autograph, but I accidentally forgot it. Oh well, I'll get it when I go to visit the dog.
ANYWAYS.....
Today I went to my interview and I got the job. Thanks to BEKAH! Now I get to work with Rebekah, Jazz, and get this....BLANCHE! FUCK YEAH! The uniform is way lame. I have to tuck my shirt in. But whatever..........................................................
........................................................................................
Uh oh, this song makes me sad. All coldplay makes me sad...............I'm gonna make my life better. I love the way music makes me feel. Even when its a song that makes me sad. Because the sadness is.....beautiful. Beautiful Sadness.
Tear for me
Tear for you
-love cari |
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| what to do |
[May. 26th, 2005|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | slightly drunk and aroused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
I'm incredibly bored. No bud. Everyone is busy.
Should I drown my sorrows with a couple shots of vodka? It doesn't sound like a good idea but its appealing.
*please let someone call me and say "lets smoke"*
mmmm vodka.
At least my tummies warm :)
I was watching this show on the discovery health channel about sex. It was awesome. But it made me think about men and sex and how i'm not getting any. I wonder if i'll get some action this summer. Cross your fingers for me. I'll cross mine for you.
Enough!
-cari |
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| imprisoned |
[May. 25th, 2005|08:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | CALMLY ENRAGED | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NO MUSIC | ] |
I'M GROUNDED AND I NEED SOME BUD. I WANT TO KILL MY LITTLE SISTER. I WANT TO GET ALL FUCKED UP AND GO OUT AND LIVE!!!
I WANT TO BE IN A CAR WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN ON AN EMPTY HIGH WAY. OR AT THE BEACH WHILE THE SKY CHANGES COLORS.
I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY AND SO MUCH TO DO. I CANT STAND BEING LOCKED UP IN THIS HOUSE. I CANT STAND BEING YOUNG. EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE SAY ITS THE BEST TIME OF OUR LIVES, I DISAGREE. BEING A TEENAGER IS FUN, BUT THERE ARE STILL RESTRICTIONS. MY SOUL IS NOT MEANT TO BE RESTRICTED. AND SOON I WONT BE. SOON I'LL BE OUT THERE, IN THE WORLD. IN INDIA OR AMSTERDAM. OR HOPPING THROUGH THE CITIES OF ITALY. GOD, TO GO TO ITALY.
I WONT SETTLE WITHOUT SATISFACTION.
*I'VE GOTTA GET A JOB....FUCK
-CARI |
|
|
| Droopy Smiles... |
[May. 24th, 2005|10:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  and inspired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | my own playing in my head | ] |
Well today was alright. I went to school. MINIMUM DAY. Came home and got semi high. Went to guitar practice and learned Hollaback Girl, I'm just a girl, some 3 doors down song, and this Suga Suga rap song that has a really cool riff in it. After that my dad bought me a burrito from Roberto's. Went home smoke with nikki and amber. Then I got into a fight with my sister and spilled a glass of iced tea all over the counter. I said fuck in front of my mom and she said dont say fuck and I said FUCK FUCK FUCK. So she punished me. She said she was sick of my profanities and my use of the word fuck!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IN RESULT TO THIS I WROTE THIS SONG SONG (ITS NOT DONE YET):
Fuck, is my favorite word
And Fuck, is the perfect verb
Fuck, the forbidden phrase
FUCK FUCK FUCK
I could say it for days
She says
Shut your mouth or I'll sew it shut
She says
I'll beat you raw till' there is no more fuck in you
Bad Girl
Fucked up Girl
Fuck
-cari walker
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I know its a little juvenile, but I was mad and it sounds really fuckin cool with the music I made for it. Inspiration Rocks. And so does the new System of a Down CD. AHHHHH.
-cari |
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| Summer nights and withdrawls |
[May. 23rd, 2005|10:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hollaback girl Gwen Stephani playing in my kid sisters room | ] |
Well its been a while since I've updated. Maybe its because I'm scared to go online. Its the only way i'll run into him. I'm totally over it by the way. It just still hurts when I'm bombarded into a sad corner by a thought, or a song that reminds me of him. Its been 4 months now. I'm ready for something else. Someone else. I'm so horny at times. And so lonely at others. But always impacient. You know. Nobody really reads this at all. But its still good for my nerves. I can totally vent on here.
I've been laying out topless in the back-yard. Some people say its wierd. Others want to lay out with me. And some envy my freedom of being able to lay out practically naked.
I'm in love with System of a Down. I wont bother to explain what their music does to me.
I just want good music, a good guy, and a good book to fall into. Summer nights make me think of being a kid. And love. But then again almost everything makes me think about love now that i've experienced the intensity of it. I miss it.
Patients cari. You'll get yours soon.
(I keep telling myself this over and over again)
I wish the best for everyone. I really do...
-cari |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2005|11:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | caffenated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
Sorry about my very emo,and depressing previous journal. I wasnt in my norm.
You know I get lonely now. People say its better to love and lose than to never love at all. That may be true in some ways, but for me its a little different. Now that i've had the love and all that came along with it, it sucks to not be able to have it. So I get lonely and I get to thinkin about the past, him, and well you know. I get sad. But dont get me wrong. I dont miss him. I'm over that. I just miss having that feeling.
And now for some reason I think its going to be a long while before I have another relationship.
I just wish I could meet another guy that wasnt a jerk-off. Lately, only the mexican workers,and the vatos/homies that are interested. The mexican workers are just scary. The vatos/homies are tempting but I know better. Sometimes a big ass just attracts the wrong kind.
Oh well fuck. Today I smoked, went to school, came home, smoked, went to ambers, smoked, went to the park, smoked, went home, ate, went to shelyns, smoked a blunt, drove to the taco shop, came home, smoked, made some coffee, and here I am on the computer. Well, later on friends I wish you all well.
-love cari |
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|
| so fuckin down |
[May. 1st, 2005|09:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | down | ] |
| [ | music |
| | buzzing in my head | ] |
I'm so down
So far down
I want the good life
The not so bad life
Can you take me
No you cant
Only I can
I want so much
I wasnt meant to fail
I'm meant to be something
To see the world
I'm meant to live
I'm so down. God I need something to push me up. Anything. Please. Help me. If there is any higher being in this world, please help me.
I didnt want to admit it, but he fucked me up. He kicked me off my horse and now its running so far ahead of me. I cant keep up. Someone help me.
-lost |
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|
| I'm Feeling Jewish |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|11:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Is my friend | ] |
Today I went to my grandmas for passover or sater or whatever jews wanna call it. I go every year to read from a jewish book and eat very jewish food. Its quite good though, and I'm prone to it.
I'm really stoned right now and i'm watching my fingers as they type. Its way trippy because I type pretty fast. My hands are dressed up. Ha. my left hand has a old leather hippie bracelet on it with studs that make this sick design. On my right hand I hand there are way more things. An indian bracelet with coral and some other sick-ass stone in it that my dad had made for my mom in the 70's. And then theres the clear tattoo bracelet thingy that maria cruz from 1st period math class's little sister made. Maria gave it to me. She's nice. Oh, then theres a grateful dead head right on my pointer finger, and my ring with the black heart charm and the broken red cross charm that dangle down are on my ring finger. Well, thats about it. Wow, I'm just rambling on because I'm high and I don't give a fuck. Ha.
AND OH MY GOD I FORGOT!!!!!!!!
My Uncle Doug gave me his vintage Hobie Skateboard that was made in the 70's. Its made out of fiber glass. It had the original wheels and its in way good condition. Someone examined it and its worth major $$$. SCORE!
Oh, and my best bud hooked it up with a fatty nug of some alright mexi. Its not kind bud but it gets me there.
Okay Laters.
FUCK I WANT TO MAKE GOOD MUSIC FUCK I WANNA MAKE GOOD MUSIC FUCK I WANNA MAKE GOOD MUSIC
love cari |
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|
| sick as a dawg but inspired!! |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|11:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | inspired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My own | ] |
Dude I didnt go to school monday or today (which is tuesday). I'm sick. I have fluid in my lungs man! I have to use an inhaler now. It sucks but it helps. I'm still smokin though. Just like cheech and chong. I'm suprisingly excited about going to school tomarrow. I wanna lose weight. But so does everyone, right?
Tongight I drank coffee and wrote a killer song about my cunt-ass nextdoor neighbor who wont stop bitching at me and my family.
VERSE
You say I'm Loud
I say I'm free
What you gonna do?
Try and change me?
Well don't waste your breath
Don't waste your time
Your opinions not needed
Don't cross the line
Chorus
I dont feel sorry for me
I feel sorry for you
Screw your nazi ways
And fuck your point of view
Don't feel sorry for me
Feel sorry for you
Judging, bitching, and spying
You have nothing better to do
-cari walker April 26, 2005
Yeah thats what I have so far, but you should hear the tune man!
Well, thats about it I guess. I'll see everyone tomarrow. Finally. And i'm gonna wake and bake with nikki and amber! WOOP!
Peace and love to all. Even to those who dislike me and think I dislike them.
love cari |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2005|07:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NO FUCKIN MUSIC | ] |
Dude everythings wrong. I dont care about much at all lately. I'm just the walking dead until i'm around my friends. Home life sucks. BABYSIT, CLEAN UP, FIGHT, GROUNDED.
I need weed these days bad. It keeps me relaxed. I dont want to go a day without it. Its my safety blanket. I have some gold chains. I sold one to shelyns grandma for 15 dollars. Bought a ten sack.
Bubble bubble
Inhale
Exhale
High High
Constantly High |
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| ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?? |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|10:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | jubilant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | System of a Down | ] |
Okay I haven't updated in forever! Nikki is on my ass for not being on so here I am. Um whats new? Hmm. Well I'm still chillin. I fixed my glass bong OLD BLUE. Does the trick...right amber?! I've been goin to school and smokin on the good and semi good budzz. Well i'm tired and I just busted my ass doing math. I'm gonna go enjoy a PHAT OL' Bong Load!! I wish everyone happiness and good health even to those who dislike me and think I dislike them.
STAY OFF THE METH NOBODY LIKES A TWEAKER!
Santee Citizens are so typical.
Love cari |
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